there is more to life than just studying and stuff

well...the title says it all..

how can one tell??

i've got a friend that thinks that her friend (that normally she hangs around with in school) doesn't like her...she said that she could tell by the way she reacted to her or something and the way she said things about her sometimes...for example she said that her friend "joked" that she (my friend) liked to attract attention..and the way that her friend said was kinda a little disturbing..

so....recently i've been wondering about this..can a person really tell if another person, that is quite close to him/her, dislike him/her?? i mean in a crude way, can you really tell whether your friend dislike you or not and HOW?? i've just been left thinking...wondering...

busy semester

gosh i still can't believe the amount of assignments, tests, reports, etc. etc. that they've given us this semester!!! and to make the matter worse, some of these stuff come together at the same time. three tests in a week (two of them are more than enough to send one to RI a.k.a. Retarded Institution) and another two tests in the following week (one of them is a real serial killer that i believe has "killed" many students in the past!!). not quite yet recover from my shock, i still have to submit two formal reports next week and another one in the following week in addition of one case study. and for the love of peter, they are so hard to do!! there aren't many information available online. how am i going to progress with my research???!!!!


this is TOO MUCH!
this is MADNESS!!

bald

my gawd...i've got a feeling that i will go bald quite soon..the amount of my hair that falls everyday is way too scary!!MY GAWD!!! at this rate i will go bald soon!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

looking back a little

hm...i don't know why, but it's all coming back--everything that happened in the past, a few years back from the time i first met my ex-boyfriend..

it was during my middle school period..back then i was a rebellious kid..my parents were always kinda busy with their own work and they couldn't supervise me all the time..my sis was studying abroad as soon as she finished her primary education and she would only be at home twice a year..my grandparents lived on their own and they always thought that i could behave myself..

i don't quite know how it all started..but before i could realise, my friends and i, we told our parents that we had an altar-children practice every saturday nite but instead of really practicing, we went partying or clubbing as one may call it..well, the part about saturday nite practice was actually true; we didn't make it up...but we would just drop by and then asking the rest of them to go with us..we danced as one should when one go to a club..some of my friends smoked and drank..but when it's time to go home, my friends would like chewing some mint gums to mask the smell of the cigarettes and then they would come to me and ask me to check whether i could smell those cigarettes' smell..we all went home as those goody little angels who just finished their practice..we did this every saturday nite..

and oh during that time, there was this trend of riding motorbike among the middle schoolers..so most of my friends got their own motorbikes and they knew how to ride as soon as they bought it..my family had one..only my mum and dad would use it to have their nostalgic, romantic afternoon ride..but they hardly had time for it, so it was just there at the garage or sometimes my dad's employee would use it..so i asked my dad for it and he went "beserk" and asked me to be satisfied and grateful that i had a driver that could drive me around..but it wasn't really the case..i was often left forgotten..that driver often forgot about my whereabouts.. and there were countless occassions when i had to wait for hours before somebody remembered about me and picked me up or asked someone else to do it..my parents certainly didn't know my activities and schedule though i kept telling them about it many times ..it seemed that they weren't paying much attention to me..only my grandma did and she was often the one who realised first that i was "missing" during dinner time (my grandma came to our house everyday to have dinner with us after my grandpa passed away)..yeah..well anyway, that was why i thought i really need a motorbike..it was affordable and suitable for me..i could go around on my own..they would save the trouble to pick me up when i had tuition and when i went out with friends..i was a bit upset when my dad refused to give his consent; he even banned me from getting any rides from my friends..so with the help of my friend, i started learning how to ride one with her motorbike..and she often gave me a ride..well, in fact, we would go touring around the town every late afternoon and as a result, we stopped going for our tuitions..we did this for months without anyone suspecting or knowing..then, our tuitor came to our house and reported that we had been missing for months..my dad really went beserk this time..he sort of make a curfew for me..he made sure that i went to my tuition again..i did..but in no time, i started skipping again..i just wasn't born to have a tuition..i couldn't stand it..i told the tuitor that i wanted to quit..so he let me cos he simply couldn't take care of me anymore..but i didn't tell my parents that i had quit..instead, my friend and i went around again with her motorbike..then one day, someone told my parents that i often went around with my friend every late afternoon and with a motorbike no less..my dad scolded me then and i simply defended myself, saying that we went around after our tuition..he calmed down a little but warned me of not taking any rides from her..since then, my dad's spies were almost everywhere..my friend and i could hardly have any space..so we parked the motorbike somewhere and then we went around on foot..but then one day, there was this late-afternoon tournament at my school and we couldn't possibly get there walking..bus was not an option either since it wasn't operating around the time we had to go there..so she gave me a ride..and just our luck, we bumped into (why..of all the people) my dad..i was really terrrified and couldn't concentrate on the tournament, imagining of what would he do to me when i got back..unlike my sis and my bro, my dad never hit me before..he never even gave me a single pinch but finally, the day had come and it was my turn to "try" or so i thought...well, i got back early that day..we had our dinner together and it was really quite..the atmosphere was heavy..my mum knew that my dad was really mad this time and asked me to apologise to him..my mum, unlike my dad, wasn't really objective about my friend giving me a ride or two..she understood that i was really upset when no one even remembered to pick me up after my tuition or when i went out..but i didn't apologise..my pride wouldn't allow me to apologise to him and admit that i was wrong just because my friend gave me a ride to school when no one else bothered to give me one (the driver was quite a total useless; he often took his own time to pick me up and refused to give me a drive sometimes in the late afternoon, though he was supposed to be ready to pick us up and drive us around almost anytime)..so we both just kept quite..then when i was about to leave the table, he said suddenly, "if i ever see you hanging around again with her, you will really be grounded and locked at home and if i see you taking a ride from her, i will slap you." and i just quickly murmured yes and left, locking myself in the bathroom..it was my favourite place when i was sad and felt like crying..it still is..well, i was kinda shocked actually when my dad told me that..those words were just too harsh..my friend stopped giving me a ride after that and willingly walked with me for a period of time after i told her what happened (we were soon back again riding but we really went extra carefull this time; i even sort of disguised myself)..she felt guilty cos she was the one who kept asking me and persuading me to take a ride from her..but of course we hung around discreetly as my old man asked me not to befriend her (my friend has a notorious reputation and many people think that she is actually some kind of a gangster..she is a bit wild but she is actually not that bad)

uh well, at least he never found out about my saturday nite activity..neither did my mum cos though we didn't practice on saturday nite, we did so on another day and we were still on duty, assisting the priest at the altar..my relationship with my parents have got better..thanks to my studying abroad and my ex-boyfriend..i think they sort of realised that they didn't really guide me and be there for me when they were supposed to be..they missed my entire adolescence..but well it's okay..i got my friends to support me so it's allright..now, my dad doesn't mind when my friend gives me a ride..and he doesn't tell me who should i befriend and stuff..well, he has become softer and even encourage me to go out with my friends when i come back to my hometown for holiday..it made me realise that even grown-ups have their own growing up to do and they indeed can grow up..

angel

sigh..allrite..i'm going to write about this friend of mine...i refer to him as angel cos he really is almost like an angel for me..yep, in other word i am dedicating this entry for him..ehem..i think he should be honoured..uh well anyway, when did i actually first meet him?hm..i'm not so sure but i think it was last year..suddenly i just saw this short guy (sorry angel, but that was what came to my mind when i saw you..i really couldn't help it) at a house that i lived on with my mates..well, my housemate invited him..and he stayed over night numerous time..almost every night i think..hm..then i was introduced to him naturally..but we didn't quite hit it off right at the first time..then i think it was after he came to my school library with me that we got close..he made me laugh during the whole journey back from school to our house..such a funny guy really..then later angel and i-each of us- rented a room at an old hag's house..only during our stay there then i realised that both of us are sagittarians..oh my, no wonder we really hit it off..sigh..he came to my rescue each time that old hag bothering me..he bought me food..he listened to me whining..he encouraged me..he cared for me when i fell sick and sigh many more things! i was so touched really..i mean he is the first guy to do such things, other than those in my family of course...he really is a nice guy..hm..somehow, i kinda miss him..but don't get me wrong, there is no spark between us..no such feelings between us really..we are just...friends..good one i hope..

well, we don't stay together now cos he got his job in the east while my school is in the west..but we are still in contact though..we chatted on msn hours ago..he told me he couldn't keep his job cos his company cannot get a work permit for him..so he got to look for another company that can be a sponsor for him to get a work permit..sigh...really a poor thing..he's been down with his luck recently..but never mind angel, i am sure God will send a real angel to rescue you..just don't give up yet!!