looking back a little
hm...i don't know why, but it's all coming back--everything that happened in the past, a few years back from the time i first met my ex-boyfriend..
it was during my middle school period..back then i was a rebellious kid..my parents were always kinda busy with their own work and they couldn't supervise me all the time..my sis was studying abroad as soon as she finished her primary education and she would only be at home twice a year..my grandparents lived on their own and they always thought that i could behave myself..
i don't quite know how it all started..but before i could realise, my friends and i, we told our parents that we had an altar-children practice every saturday nite but instead of really practicing, we went partying or clubbing as one may call it..well, the part about saturday nite practice was actually true; we didn't make it up...but we would just drop by and then asking the rest of them to go with us..we danced as one should when one go to a club..some of my friends smoked and drank..but when it's time to go home, my friends would like chewing some mint gums to mask the smell of the cigarettes and then they would come to me and ask me to check whether i could smell those cigarettes' smell..we all went home as those goody little angels who just finished their practice..we did this every saturday nite..
and oh during that time, there was this trend of riding motorbike among the middle schoolers..so most of my friends got their own motorbikes and they knew how to ride as soon as they bought it..my family had one..only my mum and dad would use it to have their nostalgic, romantic afternoon ride..but they hardly had time for it, so it was just there at the garage or sometimes my dad's employee would use it..so i asked my dad for it and he went "beserk" and asked me to be satisfied and grateful that i had a driver that could drive me around..but it wasn't really the case..i was often left forgotten..that driver often forgot about my whereabouts.. and there were countless occassions when i had to wait for hours before somebody remembered about me and picked me up or asked someone else to do it..my parents certainly didn't know my activities and schedule though i kept telling them about it many times ..it seemed that they weren't paying much attention to me..only my grandma did and she was often the one who realised first that i was "missing" during dinner time (my grandma came to our house everyday to have dinner with us after my grandpa passed away)..yeah..well anyway, that was why i thought i really need a motorbike..it was affordable and suitable for me..i could go around on my own..they would save the trouble to pick me up when i had tuition and when i went out with friends..i was a bit upset when my dad refused to give his consent; he even banned me from getting any rides from my friends..so with the help of my friend, i started learning how to ride one with her motorbike..and she often gave me a ride..well, in fact, we would go touring around the town every late afternoon and as a result, we stopped going for our tuitions..we did this for months without anyone suspecting or knowing..then, our tuitor came to our house and reported that we had been missing for months..my dad really went beserk this time..he sort of make a curfew for me..he made sure that i went to my tuition again..i did..but in no time, i started skipping again..i just wasn't born to have a tuition..i couldn't stand it..i told the tuitor that i wanted to quit..so he let me cos he simply couldn't take care of me anymore..but i didn't tell my parents that i had quit..instead, my friend and i went around again with her motorbike..then one day, someone told my parents that i often went around with my friend every late afternoon and with a motorbike no less..my dad scolded me then and i simply defended myself, saying that we went around after our tuition..he calmed down a little but warned me of not taking any rides from her..since then, my dad's spies were almost everywhere..my friend and i could hardly have any space..so we parked the motorbike somewhere and then we went around on foot..but then one day, there was this late-afternoon tournament at my school and we couldn't possibly get there walking..bus was not an option either since it wasn't operating around the time we had to go there..so she gave me a ride..and just our luck, we bumped into (why..of all the people) my dad..i was really terrrified and couldn't concentrate on the tournament, imagining of what would he do to me when i got back..unlike my sis and my bro, my dad never hit me before..he never even gave me a single pinch but finally, the day had come and it was my turn to "try" or so i thought...well, i got back early that day..we had our dinner together and it was really quite..the atmosphere was heavy..my mum knew that my dad was really mad this time and asked me to apologise to him..my mum, unlike my dad, wasn't really objective about my friend giving me a ride or two..she understood that i was really upset when no one even remembered to pick me up after my tuition or when i went out..but i didn't apologise..my pride wouldn't allow me to apologise to him and admit that i was wrong just because my friend gave me a ride to school when no one else bothered to give me one (the driver was quite a total useless; he often took his own time to pick me up and refused to give me a drive sometimes in the late afternoon, though he was supposed to be ready to pick us up and drive us around almost anytime)..so we both just kept quite..then when i was about to leave the table, he said suddenly, "if i ever see you hanging around again with her, you will really be grounded and locked at home and if i see you taking a ride from her, i will slap you." and i just quickly murmured yes and left, locking myself in the bathroom..it was my favourite place when i was sad and felt like crying..it still is..well, i was kinda shocked actually when my dad told me that..those words were just too harsh..my friend stopped giving me a ride after that and willingly walked with me for a period of time after i told her what happened (we were soon back again riding but we really went extra carefull this time; i even sort of disguised myself)..she felt guilty cos she was the one who kept asking me and persuading me to take a ride from her..but of course we hung around discreetly as my old man asked me not to befriend her (my friend has a notorious reputation and many people think that she is actually some kind of a gangster..she is a bit wild but she is actually not that bad)
uh well, at least he never found out about my saturday nite activity..neither did my mum cos though we didn't practice on saturday nite, we did so on another day and we were still on duty, assisting the priest at the altar..my relationship with my parents have got better..thanks to my studying abroad and my ex-boyfriend..i think they sort of realised that they didn't really guide me and be there for me when they were supposed to be..they missed my entire adolescence..but well it's okay..i got my friends to support me so it's allright..now, my dad doesn't mind when my friend gives me a ride..and he doesn't tell me who should i befriend and stuff..well, he has become softer and even encourage me to go out with my friends when i come back to my hometown for holiday..it made me realise that even grown-ups have their own growing up to do and they indeed can grow up..
it was during my middle school period..back then i was a rebellious kid..my parents were always kinda busy with their own work and they couldn't supervise me all the time..my sis was studying abroad as soon as she finished her primary education and she would only be at home twice a year..my grandparents lived on their own and they always thought that i could behave myself..
i don't quite know how it all started..but before i could realise, my friends and i, we told our parents that we had an altar-children practice every saturday nite but instead of really practicing, we went partying or clubbing as one may call it..well, the part about saturday nite practice was actually true; we didn't make it up...but we would just drop by and then asking the rest of them to go with us..we danced as one should when one go to a club..some of my friends smoked and drank..but when it's time to go home, my friends would like chewing some mint gums to mask the smell of the cigarettes and then they would come to me and ask me to check whether i could smell those cigarettes' smell..we all went home as those goody little angels who just finished their practice..we did this every saturday nite..
and oh during that time, there was this trend of riding motorbike among the middle schoolers..so most of my friends got their own motorbikes and they knew how to ride as soon as they bought it..my family had one..only my mum and dad would use it to have their nostalgic, romantic afternoon ride..but they hardly had time for it, so it was just there at the garage or sometimes my dad's employee would use it..so i asked my dad for it and he went "beserk" and asked me to be satisfied and grateful that i had a driver that could drive me around..but it wasn't really the case..i was often left forgotten..that driver often forgot about my whereabouts.. and there were countless occassions when i had to wait for hours before somebody remembered about me and picked me up or asked someone else to do it..my parents certainly didn't know my activities and schedule though i kept telling them about it many times ..it seemed that they weren't paying much attention to me..only my grandma did and she was often the one who realised first that i was "missing" during dinner time (my grandma came to our house everyday to have dinner with us after my grandpa passed away)..yeah..well anyway, that was why i thought i really need a motorbike..it was affordable and suitable for me..i could go around on my own..they would save the trouble to pick me up when i had tuition and when i went out with friends..i was a bit upset when my dad refused to give his consent; he even banned me from getting any rides from my friends..so with the help of my friend, i started learning how to ride one with her motorbike..and she often gave me a ride..well, in fact, we would go touring around the town every late afternoon and as a result, we stopped going for our tuitions..we did this for months without anyone suspecting or knowing..then, our tuitor came to our house and reported that we had been missing for months..my dad really went beserk this time..he sort of make a curfew for me..he made sure that i went to my tuition again..i did..but in no time, i started skipping again..i just wasn't born to have a tuition..i couldn't stand it..i told the tuitor that i wanted to quit..so he let me cos he simply couldn't take care of me anymore..but i didn't tell my parents that i had quit..instead, my friend and i went around again with her motorbike..then one day, someone told my parents that i often went around with my friend every late afternoon and with a motorbike no less..my dad scolded me then and i simply defended myself, saying that we went around after our tuition..he calmed down a little but warned me of not taking any rides from her..since then, my dad's spies were almost everywhere..my friend and i could hardly have any space..so we parked the motorbike somewhere and then we went around on foot..but then one day, there was this late-afternoon tournament at my school and we couldn't possibly get there walking..bus was not an option either since it wasn't operating around the time we had to go there..so she gave me a ride..and just our luck, we bumped into (why..of all the people) my dad..i was really terrrified and couldn't concentrate on the tournament, imagining of what would he do to me when i got back..unlike my sis and my bro, my dad never hit me before..he never even gave me a single pinch but finally, the day had come and it was my turn to "try" or so i thought...well, i got back early that day..we had our dinner together and it was really quite..the atmosphere was heavy..my mum knew that my dad was really mad this time and asked me to apologise to him..my mum, unlike my dad, wasn't really objective about my friend giving me a ride or two..she understood that i was really upset when no one even remembered to pick me up after my tuition or when i went out..but i didn't apologise..my pride wouldn't allow me to apologise to him and admit that i was wrong just because my friend gave me a ride to school when no one else bothered to give me one (the driver was quite a total useless; he often took his own time to pick me up and refused to give me a drive sometimes in the late afternoon, though he was supposed to be ready to pick us up and drive us around almost anytime)..so we both just kept quite..then when i was about to leave the table, he said suddenly, "if i ever see you hanging around again with her, you will really be grounded and locked at home and if i see you taking a ride from her, i will slap you." and i just quickly murmured yes and left, locking myself in the bathroom..it was my favourite place when i was sad and felt like crying..it still is..well, i was kinda shocked actually when my dad told me that..those words were just too harsh..my friend stopped giving me a ride after that and willingly walked with me for a period of time after i told her what happened (we were soon back again riding but we really went extra carefull this time; i even sort of disguised myself)..she felt guilty cos she was the one who kept asking me and persuading me to take a ride from her..but of course we hung around discreetly as my old man asked me not to befriend her (my friend has a notorious reputation and many people think that she is actually some kind of a gangster..she is a bit wild but she is actually not that bad)
uh well, at least he never found out about my saturday nite activity..neither did my mum cos though we didn't practice on saturday nite, we did so on another day and we were still on duty, assisting the priest at the altar..my relationship with my parents have got better..thanks to my studying abroad and my ex-boyfriend..i think they sort of realised that they didn't really guide me and be there for me when they were supposed to be..they missed my entire adolescence..but well it's okay..i got my friends to support me so it's allright..now, my dad doesn't mind when my friend gives me a ride..and he doesn't tell me who should i befriend and stuff..well, he has become softer and even encourage me to go out with my friends when i come back to my hometown for holiday..it made me realise that even grown-ups have their own growing up to do and they indeed can grow up..
posted by Val | 7:44 p.m.
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