you

when you are a child, you envision how you will someday grow. from your child point of view, you will look at the adults around you. and you might think to yourself. adults often lie. they love money. they worry about how they look. they stand on top of others. they use people below them. they wish for other people's unhappiness. and you do not want to turn into one.

but,

the mysterious thing about people is when you become an adult, you forget your childlike things. those dreams and thoughts you have had as a child, you'll forget them.
you will then recite the magic words.
"it can't be helped."
"i have no choice."
"society is wrong."
"everyone is doing that."

those magic words.


there will be many obstructing walls as you grow older. when you can't climb over those walls, you'll suddenly want to say the magic words. but when you use the words, you'll become those adults that you hate.

but, that wall really isn't a wall. it's a mirror- a mirror reflecting who you are.

your biggest enemy is yourself.
the you without dreams.
the you who lies.
the you who loves money.
the you who worries about how you look.
the you who stands on top of others.
the you who uses up people below you.
the you who wish for unhappiness unto others.
the you who can't say "that's wrong."
the you who says "it's impossible" and gives up.
the you who doesn't believe in others.
the you who doesn't believe in yourself.

inside yourself, that "you" exists.

looking into the mirror at that "you", you change how you think about yourself. you grow up just how you imagined you would. no matter which times you are in, or where you are in the world; just truly look at yourself in the mirror and ask these questions.
"are you like yourself?"
"are you living your life?"
"are you living right now?"

and finally, answer these questions 10 years from now.
"without names, no academic background or job, no gender or nationality; who are you?"

my will

i have started typing out a draft of my will which will be put inside its own folder in my laptop with a copy of it inside my external drive.

ah well, just in case. only God knows what will happen to me so i better get myself prepared.
and i might as well do this anyway since i have given much thought to it. after CM, NA and i discussed about it the other time, i got myself thinking and planning about how i want my funeral to be, where i want to get burried, what kind of coffin i want and the list just go on and on. well, i made a few changes and added some more stuff since then.

oh my, planning my own funeral is soo fun!

urgh

i am so devil damn sick of what they did or still possibly do and would probably continue to do so in the future.

for the love of peter. those men can go and rot in hell for all i care. they are just too devil damn full of themselves.

and those all-high-and-mighty bunch of ppl are just a bunch of hypocrites. they don't even give a single damn care to these people.

for the love of Mary, what has the world become? it is no wonder that God sent His Son to redeem us and yet again and again we prove ourselves that we are just beyond help.