the most important thing in my life

i called grandma a few days ago and we exchanged how-have-you-been-i'm-good kind of words. as always she ended the conversation, saying how expensive it would be for me to make a call and telling me to save the money for food expense. i have told her a zillion times that it was alright but uh well, i guess she's a much stubborn person than i am. also i have never been able to say no to her.

but this time she added something before ending my call.

she said to me,
"you don't have to force yourself too hard. as long as you can eat and sleep well, then it's alright. as long as you are well and happy, then it's okay."

come to think of it, she has always been like that. she always knows whether i'm troubled or sad. she would not ask me anything. she would just be there for me as she always has been. and the thought of having her beside me never fails to comfort me. it's like it's the most natural thing in the world for her to just stand beside me, quietly watching. and it's very comforting. just her presence alone, just that thought will be able to soothe me.

she may not be an angel or even a good person. i know she is not the good person that i always believed she was, ever since i was a child. now that i have grown up and am able to make a judgement, i just know that. it has always been there but i have always refused to see my grandma as a human. i always thought that she was an angel to me and everyone else (and she still is to me). but even if she is just a normal human like everyone else, i would and will still love her all the same and much more.

to me, she is the best grandma i could ever have and it doesnt matter if she's not as perfect as i always believed she was.

i love her just for who and what she is.