future oh future
gawd. i just finished talking with my mum on the phone. and guess what? yes sir, we were talking and worrying about my future yet again. urggh. i thought i'm done with all these thoughts and talks about the future thing! now it's just getting bleaker and bleaker with each talk and thought.
yes, it's true. i am so g.d. worried, distressed about my future. just look at everyone, as my mum has so helpfully pointed. most of my friends back home have already set their paths. most of them will finish their university and then they will go on to work in their related field of study. L is looking for job as a midwife in the hospital. H has finally opened her own garage while studying to get her economic management degree. F will start her training in some company tomorrow. D is going off to France for her training in some hotel. Ly will finish her degree in english at the end of the year and start teaching. P has just completed his study and is looking for a job as an accountant (at least he made feel better. i know he dislikes being an accountant, but he wants the security and of course the money that come with the job).
well, i'm happy for them. i really am. at least most of them know what they want or that they don't mind getting trapped into the future they have carefully chosen. the problem with me is that i do mind. i do mind with many things as a matter of fact. i already made an error in choosing food science so i told to myself that i would not make another mistake. i told myself to be sensible and hence i got myself into "the accounting world."
but lately, i've been thinking if i made another mistake. people around me have been saying that i made a good choice. but still all these do not make me feel better. it doesnt make all the anxiety go away. it's still there inside of me and it's stressing me out. i don't know what should i do. i'm not getting any younger and yet i'm still unsure of my step. my sis said it's never too late to discover what i want to do and to really do it. but right now, as i'm writing out my feelings and thoughts, i think i should not give up. yes, that's right. i should not quit halfway. i will continue with this course and if i still do not think that this is what i want, then i will keep looking. i will continue trying no matter how long it will take.
and that, dear Lord, will be my life's resolution.
yes, it's true. i am so g.d. worried, distressed about my future. just look at everyone, as my mum has so helpfully pointed. most of my friends back home have already set their paths. most of them will finish their university and then they will go on to work in their related field of study. L is looking for job as a midwife in the hospital. H has finally opened her own garage while studying to get her economic management degree. F will start her training in some company tomorrow. D is going off to France for her training in some hotel. Ly will finish her degree in english at the end of the year and start teaching. P has just completed his study and is looking for a job as an accountant (at least he made feel better. i know he dislikes being an accountant, but he wants the security and of course the money that come with the job).
well, i'm happy for them. i really am. at least most of them know what they want or that they don't mind getting trapped into the future they have carefully chosen. the problem with me is that i do mind. i do mind with many things as a matter of fact. i already made an error in choosing food science so i told to myself that i would not make another mistake. i told myself to be sensible and hence i got myself into "the accounting world."
but lately, i've been thinking if i made another mistake. people around me have been saying that i made a good choice. but still all these do not make me feel better. it doesnt make all the anxiety go away. it's still there inside of me and it's stressing me out. i don't know what should i do. i'm not getting any younger and yet i'm still unsure of my step. my sis said it's never too late to discover what i want to do and to really do it. but right now, as i'm writing out my feelings and thoughts, i think i should not give up. yes, that's right. i should not quit halfway. i will continue with this course and if i still do not think that this is what i want, then i will keep looking. i will continue trying no matter how long it will take.
and that, dear Lord, will be my life's resolution.
posted by Val | 8:27 p.m.
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